Wednesday, November 4

Memories

We have good memories and bad ones too ! But which excites me the most is the childhood memories !! Oh i Love them !

Just 2 days back my childhood friend, Sayani forwarded a pic to me. Both of us sitting on top of a train in a park. Both wearing red woolen frock, with my inner frock peeping out. Me with a grumpy face and Sayani as sweet as ever (always!).

Here, we are in a man-made lake named as the Subhash Sarobar in Kolkata. It is very close to our home and uncle (sayani's dad) used to take us both in his scooter most of the Sundays. It used to be a glory trip.There was a park with all types of swings, slides,climbing rods, see-saw etc. There was also a sand pit for the kids to play. And how can i forget the rabbit cage. It was a huge one.. with around 50 rabbits in there. It used to smell so foul but still loved to see the white cute animals in there. There was a small hill in the middle of the lake, connected to the land by a narrow road with tall trees on both side making a perfect avenue. The hill top had small benches for the walkers/visitors to sit. A visit to the hill top was a charm. Uncle used to take us there rarely which in a way helped to maintain the charm i guess. A surprise trip to the hill after the park used to be such a thrill to both of us ! Oh, i still remember the feel !! :-)

Sayani, is my first friend. First friend of my life. I came to know her in K.B.Roy's Montessori School and soon became good friends. She used to stay in our neighborhood which helped us to enrich our friendship. We played all types of games. Sayani always loved to play with the dolls. Being the teacher, wearing saree and making her dadu our student.I still remember how we used to thrash him for not doing his said-homework and bribe him to say the wrong answers !! We used to play ekka-dokka, kit-kit, colour man, chor-police, kumir-danga(crocodile-land), catching-catch, chain-chain,lock-n-key and many many more. We used to have many friends from the neighbourhood. The boys taught us to play cricket, danguli, marbles etc. Me getting a swimming lesson since the age of 2 was a big time loss. I had to go to the swimming club at 4 and used to be back from there by 530-6. So the evening play at the park was always a loss. Used to get only half an hour time or so. Used to look forward for Sunday. But baba being at home always had put me in a dilemma. Spending time with him or the play with friends always was a tough question, considering the fan i was of my father. But yes there was the Winter(s). No swimming and winter holidays. Me being from the convent school helped. A month long holiday for Christmas gave enough time for us to play.

Rimi, Sompa, Papon ,Bhulu, Sayani and me. That was the internal group. There were many other but i hardly remember those names any more. What weird pet-names we bengali(s) have i wonder. Hilarious !! Sayani and me still joke on them now and then. We are not in touch with the rest but the memories are fresh. Sayani has a better memory though. She keeps me entertained of what not we used to do. Recalling a bit ... Bhulu used to be my Bf and Papon sayani's !! Papon used to like Sayani a lot.. no surprises there sayani being such a cute looking gal !! But guess what? I had received a love letter from Papon once. At the age of 4 i guess. ha ha !! It was more like a betrayal letter than a love one i guess. Won't go into details .. reason ? 1. should not make fun of anyone's emotion specially that of a kid [shit am still giggling!! :D ] 2. a suspense to make my post a hit [ smart thot ! isnt it? :P ]

Memories come in a gush and i love them. Will pen-down more later someday !
Kash mein firse woh innocence enjoy kar pati !




Monday, November 2

How does marriage change you?

Quite a controversial topic isn't it ? Don't judge me. Just today my Friend, Prasenjit had asked me this question while having a casual chat. It might have been a casual question to keep the conversation going but it did made me think. To think what i am today and what i could have never been without marriage. Marriage is an institution !

Today i am a much controlled person.. i know to ignore things, i expect less, learnt to give more.. give more than a person asks ... but what tops the list is .. i can control my temper ! I know how my temper went out of control, since my hostel days. It had affected my life,every now and then .. affected my relation with Gunjan the most in the past years. But now it is much better .. won't say its gone but yes .. much much better !

On 4th Nov its gonna be 6 mths of our marriage. In such a short time span i realized how my mind-set changed and how i am now more ready to change. Why is it so ? My relation with Gunjan is just the same.. yes technically we are husband - wife .. nothing much other than the term and the change in my surname ! We stay alone. We don't stay with my in-laws. So whats the difference between marriage and a live-in relation ?

The commitment ? May be so ! We know we can't run away from each other now even if we realize we are not compatible. So why not live our life happily! I always want a happy life. If i don't get one i have the will to make one ! I know Gunjan is a good human being and loves me a lot.. so why bother about the tits n bits of expectation i have? He tries to fulfill my expectations nevertheless in his own way.. so its better the pass the rest happily isn't it ? It's rather a fantastic experience to be a good Wife. Men have a much much shorter list of wantings compared to any girl ... so just focus on that list and He will make you feel like a Queen. Don't bother about yourself.. slowly your dreams will come true. You will get what you want.. trips.. eating out... shopping... phone bills being huge while u chat with your numerous friends.. the beneficial list is endless.. i swear !

Things Men dislike ? Tears ! i can swear on anyone.... Gal if u want a happy Life .. Don't cry. We do so on drop of a hat.. i realized it. We know how to deal with a crying gal/boy .. but a boy gets confused. I dunno why but they don't understand what he should do to calm her down. They feel a person cries when he is lost/helpless ... and thus always tries to give you a solution. Thats the last thing a girl wants. We cry to get a hug.. to know you are listening.. we blabber whatever we can think of.. each sentence meaning nothing .But they find the meaning to whatever you say and in the process we hurt them. Men don't understand this language .. not their fault ... I don't understand chinese too !! Respect It and behave accordingly :)

By now many of the female readers might be thinking why should only We change ! I guarantee you.. its never so .. We both change.

Have a Happy Life ! :)


Thursday, October 29

Is a lie good at times ?


My values are too strong. I can't lie to people .. i wont say i never lied.. but people who knows me will agree that i don't lie. And i hate people who does it ! Specially when a person lies with the most confidence. It is beyond my imagination. How do they do it so beautifully? At times i want to learn that art. It might help me at times if not always ! isn't it ?

But do people choose to lie only to save himself? Or is it the circumstances ? which forces one to say that lie ? Or the person to whom he lies to, had forced him to speak so ? Maybe the listener can't digest the truth .. so is the lie better ? if yes, then shouldn't the lie be a well secret ? what if, the person comes to know of the truth anyways ... then?? where does both people stand now? Considering the teller be A and listener be B : how should both A and B react ? B feels guilty of how pathetic he is .. how his behavior forced a lie out of A. A must be guilty of telling the lie .. The whole thing is so confusing !! Isn't it better to keep a distance between the two so that such confrontation never comes up ever in life ? a space of respect for each to be the individual they are. isn't thats the best ? the space might hurt in the beginning .. but to have a happy life such hurts are a worth for!

Respecting an individuals likes/dis-likes should be the prime thing for life. A person forcing another to say a lie is as much a sinner as the one who lied. Don't ever force a person to the edge . . you might not like a habit of your friend but respect it as long as it doesn't effect your life . He is an individual . He has his own likes/dis-likes. Its his Life after all !! He can live life once. So let it be !!

SEE . . . lie is not as bad as it is in my mind. Life teaches us many things and its better you learn fast from them before time flies away.

Keep Smiling !!! I love my Life !!! :)

Friday, October 23

50 FIRST REACTIONS


This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS. Type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you see these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random it is, just type it! Re-post it for all of your friends. Consider yourself tagged if you are reading this!

1. Beer: No

2. Food: i love few specific stuff... rest i eat just to stay alive

3. Relationships: love to nourish them

4. Your CRUSH: m too old for that word i guess.. stopped happening :(

5. Power Rangers: wat ???

6. Life: smile

7. The President: abdul kallam .. i respected him the most till date

8. Yummy: mutton or hilsa (ilish) fish

9. Cars: honda CRV/scorpio ;)

10. Movies: love them... except the violent ones

11. Halloween: dress upp

12. Sex: female ;)

13. Religion: hindu

14. Hate: Alcohol

15. Fear: height

16. Marriage: responsibilty and care for ur spouse more than urself

17. Blondes: dumb

18. Slippers: i need to wear it always here at home... i hate it :( i love clean home but jindal plant sucks

19. Shoes: many

20. Asians: beauty

21. Pastime: internet

22. One night stand: never attracted

23. My cell Phone: walk whn u talk

24. Smoke: tried ... didnt like. i hate the smell these days

25. Fantasy: to own a sexy gown

26. College: mixed feeling

27. High school life: FUN

28. Pajamas: night dress tho i prefer shorts

29. Stars: romantic

30. Center: gunjan

31. Alcohol: no

32. The word love: :)

33. Friends: love them

34. Money: important gives u a stand in the family/society

35. Heartache: lessons leanrt

36. Time: best healer

37. Divorce: if u want to die its a opening for life.. otherwise just a shortcut to run away from responsibilities and adjustments

38. Dogs: love them

39. Undies: black

40. Parents: unconditioned love

41. Babies: adorable

42. Ex: forget them

43. Song: cant think of any particular song

44. Color: white/black/red

45. Weddings: easiest way to waste money ... m fine with the basic needs. hate the show off trend

46. Pizza: m bored now

47. Hangout: city centre food plaza in kolkata

48. Rest: lie down

49. Goal: football

50. Inspiration: baba

Saturday, October 10

I am Happy !


"aaj mein khush hoon ... ki tum hi bolo mein khush kiu " weird song .. many might not evn know its a song ... but today i feel like singing it... weird na ? :D he he not really .. i am so happy today.. if u ask me why i dont have any answer to it.


I feel to dress up .. wander somewhere ... talk talk and talk .. i am in hyper mode .. so excited.. clicking some photographs will be the best thing i guess ... i love my life.. i have one life and i love it so much.


Once my english teacher had said ...humans always think life has too many troubles and makes us so sad.but if we weigh our happy and sad moments of our whole life we will found it to be the same. its just tat we cherish a day of happiness for jst a day and cry for 10 days for a day's sadness. so its how we want our life to be.



Then i have seen my father. i saw baba follows the same principle. and i have never seen a more happy and content person ever ! that was his secret!!

Thats the time from when i start following it. and today its my habit. i cherish a moment for longer days. i re-recall the moment in regular interval..and it brings a smile on my face. its so easy! it at times makes me smile evn when i have a fight with gunjan. it helps me to forgive gunjan so easily whn i just imagine the smile on his face/how he makes me feel spcl whn he goes rong smwhr / how well he asks for forgiveness. those moments helps me to forgive him at times w/o evn complaining.


Staying happy or sad is all in ur mind. u can control it. and i do so. i can store my sadness for the bigger troubles in life. till then m happy n content. i have got everything that i cud have ever imagined i will get in my life.

Yes i am happy !!! Love to all !!!

SMILE Please !!!



Monday, September 21

Confused State of Mind

Do u feel at times u don't connect to anyone ? do u feel alone ? in a weird old world.. people around u just blabbering with their own opinions/thots with not even half knowledge of the trouble/pain u are in ....which they name as "advices"... .. do u feel so ?? do you ??


why is it always so easy to share our happiness but not sorrow ??? we have so many expressions to show happiness ... we smile.. we giggle.. laugh .. roll over .. jump .. scream ... sing.. dance what not .. but we know only to shed our tears when we are sad. the more it hurts the less it comes out it seems ... why cant we express our sorrow in words to someone and feel relieved [ i'm talking abt the bigger ones .. plzz ! ]

Aftr spking ur heart out .. did u ever feel cheated ? cheated in the sense .. the person thot u are over -reacting may be .. or its nothing to b That sad .. u knw the feeling "why the hell did i spk!!!" ?? did u ever feel that ??

or is it only me who goes through this ? am i the only one on this earth feeling so ? i hope not !!!!!

why does it hurt so much ! i want a way to dig in there and pull that out of my whole system. we are humans .. ok its not "we" ... high time i speak for myself ... I want to be happy .. I want to relish my life ... I want the @#$%^&* grief to GO ... leave me alone !!!!!

I want a happy Life !

Saturday, September 19

Shubho Mahalaya !!









Shubho Mahalaya to all my friends and loved ones! Staying away from home makes you feel nostalgic at times. Today i am feeling so. i m missing home badly. not sure whether i am missing my home in particular or my folks there or just the festive mood among the pple there.

i want too see the
"kaash ful" among the vast green patches of land at salt lake ... the strong smell of "shiuli ful " from the tree at the end of the lane of our house. i miss baba getting busy these days attending the meetings at the Mandir. i miss waiting to get the booklet of the puja details from our local Mandir.i want to plan the dresses i will wear.. plan to go out with my friends and family.. making the schedule whn i m free and whom i can visit whom.. its all so exciting !! how these 4 days of happiness became so imp in my life ?!?!?!?! i seriously wonder. why is it so so special?? this is the time i meet so many of our family friends/relatives ... there are so many we knw visits us only once a year.. only on ashthomi morning .. their lunch with us aftr the ashthami anjali at the mandir. we have never invited anyone but each year i have seen mom preparing some special dish with luchi and alu dom for them all.

every year on saptomi night my pishi(bua)'s family and we used to hire a vehicle and go out for pandal hopping. visiting the pandals is jst a name to the venture.. our mane motive was always to hogg the unhygenic foods...
fuckhaas... ice creams...egg rolls.. chichken roll and wat not. taking ferry rides with my sis .. fighting with the driver to chng the song he's playing ...[ he is the worst dj ever ] ... counting the number of pandals we visited was a job but our aim was always to hit a record count .. so counting the most fake ones in the process ... baba's and bua's most hilarious pjs ... worst pjs ever.. how witty my father can b at times ! Didibhai teasing everyone... her wit always amaze me.. laldi always taking care of who needs what.. me being the subject to be teased on always.. semanti eating the most spicy fuchka ever .. pampai just giggling n rolling ovr all the time ... ma getting tensed of getting the car parked in a proper plc or the police will break the glass :P ....also a plc whr u will need to walk the least to the pandal.. pishi being the coolest babe around... doing all types of badmashi which even we kids cant think of ! oh it used to be so so much fun !!!!

Durga Pujo means so much to us ! what a festival !! it surprises me at times. i still remember my childhood days whn we used to have competition among friends on our new clothes count. Meeting my school Friends. going out with anupa, sukanchi, sayani to name a few. a day our with my office collegues. i miss those days.

Its one festival i look fwd for the whole year.

starting from listening to Mahalaya at 4 in the morning in half sleep to Thakur visarjan on doshomi .. wat a span of time !! staying away from family for pujas is such a pain.. makes me feel so sad. hope i get to visit them for a day atleast.

Gunjan always respected my emotions. i never showed how much i love durga puja but he always had the depth and love to understand that. he always made a point to get my tkts done to visit home whn i was in coll at pune. if not, he used to take me to teh congress bhavan at pune where the begali puja used to take place. we used to have bhog there on asthomi. he takes care of me so much. even this year he took the initiative.. from his tight training schedule he took a day off jst to make me feel good. he loves me so much and i love him too !

I Love Durga Puja !!!! Kolkata is the only place you can get the essence of the Puja !!