Confused State of Mind

Do u feel at times u don't connect to anyone ? do u feel alone ? in a weird old world.. people around u just blabbering with their own opinions/thots with not even half knowledge of the trouble/pain u are in ....which they name as "advices"... .. do u feel so ?? do you ??

why is it always so easy to share our happiness but not sorrow ??? we have so many expressions to show happiness ... we smile.. we giggle.. laugh .. roll over .. jump .. scream ... sing.. dance what not .. but we know only to shed our tears when we are sad. the more it hurts the less it comes out it seems ... why cant we express our sorrow in words to someone and feel relieved [ i'm talking abt the bigger ones .. plzz ! ]

Aftr spking ur heart out .. did u ever feel cheated ? cheated in the sense .. the person thot u are over -reacting may be .. or its nothing to b That sad .. u knw the feeling "why the hell did i spk!!!" ?? did u ever feel that ??

or is it only me who goes through this ? am i the only one on this earth feeling so ? i hope not !!!!!

why does it hurt so much ! i want a way to dig in there and pull that out of my whole system. we are humans .. ok its not "we" ... high time i speak for myself ... I want to be happy .. I want to relish my life ... I want the @#$%^&* grief to GO ... leave me alone !!!!!

I want a happy Life !

Shubho Mahalaya !!

Shubho Mahalaya to all my friends and loved ones! Staying away from home makes you feel nostalgic at times. Today i am feeling so. i m missing home badly. not sure whether i am missing my home in particular or my folks there or just the festive mood among the pple there.

i want too see the "kaash ful" among the vast green patches of land at salt lake ... the strong smell of "shiuli ful " from the tree at the end of the lane of our house. i miss baba getting busy these days attending the meetings at the Mandir. i miss waiting to get the booklet of the puja details from our local Mandir.i want to plan the dresses i will wear.. plan to go out with my friends and family.. making the schedule whn i m free and whom i can visit whom.. its all so exciting !! how these 4 days of happiness became so imp in my life ?!?!?!?! i seriously wonder. why is it so so special?? this is the time i meet so many of our family friends/relatives ... there are so many we knw visits us only once a year.. only on ashthomi morning .. their lunch with us aftr the ashthami anjali at the mandir. we have never invited anyone but each year i have seen mom preparing some special dish with luchi and alu dom for them all.

every year on saptomi night my pishi(bua)'s family and we used to hire a vehicle and go out for pandal hopping. visiting the pandals is jst a name to the venture.. our mane motive was always to hogg the unhygenic foods... fuckhaas... ice creams...egg rolls.. chichken roll and wat not. taking ferry rides with my sis .. fighting with the driver to chng the song he's playing ...[ he is the worst dj ever ] ... counting the number of pandals we visited was a job but our aim was always to hit a record count .. so counting the most fake ones in the process ... baba's and bua's most hilarious pjs ... worst pjs ever.. how witty my father can b at times ! Didibhai teasing everyone... her wit always amaze me.. laldi always taking care of who needs what.. me being the subject to be teased on always.. semanti eating the most spicy fuchka ever .. pampai just giggling n rolling ovr all the time ... ma getting tensed of getting the car parked in a proper plc or the police will break the glass :P ....also a plc whr u will need to walk the least to the pandal.. pishi being the coolest babe around... doing all types of badmashi which even we kids cant think of ! oh it used to be so so much fun !!!!

Durga Pujo means so much to us ! what a festival !! it surprises me at times. i still remember my childhood days whn we used to have competition among friends on our new clothes count. Meeting my school Friends. going out with anupa, sukanchi, sayani to name a few. a day our with my office collegues. i miss those days.

Its one festival i look fwd for the whole year.

starting from listening to Mahalaya at 4 in the morning in half sleep to Thakur visarjan on doshomi .. wat a span of time !! staying away from family for pujas is such a pain.. makes me feel so sad. hope i get to visit them for a day atleast.

Gunjan always respected my emotions. i never showed how much i love durga puja but he always had the depth and love to understand that. he always made a point to get my tkts done to visit home whn i was in coll at pune. if not, he used to take me to teh congress bhavan at pune where the begali puja used to take place. we used to have bhog there on asthomi. he takes care of me so much. even this year he took the initiative.. from his tight training schedule he took a day off jst to make me feel good. he loves me so much and i love him too !

I Love Durga Puja !!!! Kolkata is the only place you can get the essence of the Puja !!